It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There's always time for handjobs
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
