Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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