Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
