Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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