When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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