I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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