You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
