Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize