I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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