She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
