This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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