Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
