5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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