his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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