she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
