there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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