Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
