I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
