how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
