1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
