Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.