I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me