I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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