you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night