Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.