It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect