Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP