I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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