New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
