im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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