Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
