guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
