As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
