So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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