i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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