On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
