Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
