hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
