Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
