I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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