if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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