well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
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I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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