ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
