I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
