Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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