First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
