Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
