drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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