What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
