Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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