Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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