sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
