I showed him my bush... on skype.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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