I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
