worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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