do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
