there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
