you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
