I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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