just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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