I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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