i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Be still, my beating vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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