I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
