i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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