he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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