I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.