Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.