I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
4 words: hood of his car
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
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Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.