I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
