Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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