worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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