You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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