he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
