this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
