the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
