he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
