i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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